I hate myself for being ungrateful to Allah after all He has given me. I consider it a big offense to Him and it indeed is. Then why can't i stop being human and shut my mind of those sinful thoughts. Am i waiting to be hit by a misfortune, recover after pleading Him and then be grateful again?
Every individual has his own war to fight.
There is a trade off at every new turn of life. And some of us don't even know what they will have to forgo for what they opt.
What seems like rational and logical to you might seem like illogical and idiotic to someone else. Naturally all humans are distinctive, with their own upbringing their own personalities and beliefs. Better way then is to reason it out, if possible, with the one who disagrees with you. So that each one of you vent out and make each other heard. And then both should evaluate the situation with ratinality, calmness and open minds, without violating each other's integrity. If the one agrees to reason at all that is. When one is more likely to impose one's own logic and beliefs on other whether the other agrees or disagrees, problems are not solved.
Irrational thoughts occasionally occur in the minds of all people. Intelligence does not make someone immune to irrational thought. These thoughts typically clutter our minds with feelings of resentment and distaste. Sometimes they are based on internal defense mechanisms we develop to mitigate personal anger in an attempt to avoid facing the truth about ourselves or our immediate circumstances. If someone imposes stringent expectations related to a stressful issue on themselves or their close companions, irrational thought is likely to set in, and all parties involved will probably experience needless emotional grief.
Passionate perceptions of an event made by someone in distress can seem crazy from a third party perspective. This craziness is simply the sum of stress and irrational thought. These thoughts allow the distressed party to remain the victim while avoiding all situational responsibility. One must learn to break this momentary negative thought process in order to achieve continuous stability in their life and in their relationships.
Here are 10 irrational thoughts that rational people often fall victim to at one point or another:
1. Mistakes are never acceptable. If I make one, it means that I am incompetent.
2. When somebody disagrees with me, it is a personal attack against me.
3. To be content in life, I must be liked by all people.
4. My true value as an individual depends on what others people think of me.
5. If I am not involved in an intimate relationship, I am completely alone.
6. There is no grey area. Success is black and failure is white.
7. Nothing ever turns out the way you want it to.
8. If the outcome was not perfect, it was a complete failure.
9. I am in absolute control of my life. If something bad happens, it is my fault.
10. The past always repeats itself. If it was true then, it must be true now.
Your life will be more productive if you learn to avoid this type of negative thinking.
Courtesy : http://www.marcandangel.com/
Not being able to find work, having left my beloved daughter in Pakistan and subsequently spending almost all day sitting on net has resulted in a sinister hike in my weight. And for a small framed person like myself, this is a devestating developement.
Here are my findings on weight management.
Regular exercise and a healthy diet are crucial when it comes to controlling your weight. A weight management plan depends on whether you are overweight or underweight.
An easy way to determine your own desirable body weight is to use the following formula:
Women: 100 pounds for the first 5 feet of height plus 5 pounds for each additional inch.
Men: 106 pounds of body weight for the first 5 feet of height plus 6 pounds for each additional inch.
For a small body frame, 10% should be subtracted. For a large frame, 10% should be added.
Body fat and body mass measurements are used to determine whether a person is under- or overweight. A registered dietitian or exercise physiologist can help you calculate your body fat. The recommended amount of body fat differs for men and women.
For women:
The recommended amount of body fat is 20 - 21%.
A woman with more than 30% body fat is considered obese.
For men:
The recommended amount of body fat is 13 - 17%.
A man with 25% body fat or higher is considered obese.
Body mass index (BMI) is an indirect measurement of your body composition. It takes into consideration both your weight and height. BMI helps determine your risk for certain diseases, including diabetes and hypertension.
It is important to note that the terms "overweight" and "obesity" do NOT mean the same thing.
Weight management for people who have been overweight involves continued physical activity and monitoring the amount of food eaten.
UNDERWEIGHT
Anorexia nervosa and bulimia are eating disorders associated with a negative body image. Anorexia nervosa is a disorder in which people extremely limit their food intake. This results in dangerously quick weight loss, to the point of starvation. This disorder is most commonly found in adolescent females, but may also occur in males, children, and adults.
Bulimia is binge eating followed by self-induced vomiting. It's often associated with anorexia nervosa. Many people with bulimia don't lose a lot of weight, and may not get medical attention until they seek help.
Excessive intentional weight loss can cause a person to be dangerously underweight. To maintain their weight, people with eating disorders must eat enough food to prevent them from losing the weight they have gained.
CALORIES FOR WEIGHT MAINTENANCE
To maintain your weight, you can use the following formula:
10 calories per pound of desirable body weight if you are sedentary or very obese
13 calories per pound of desirable body weight if your activity level is low, or if you are over age 55
15 calories per pound of desirable body weight if you regularly do moderate activity
18 calories per pound of desirable body weight if you regularly do strenuous activity
Activity levels:
Low activity: No planned, regular physical activity; occasional weekend or weekly activity (such as golf or recreational tennis) is the only type of physical activity
Moderate activity: Participating in physical activities such as swimming, jogging, or fast walking for 30 - 60 minutes at a time
Strenuous activity: Participating in vigorous physical activity for 60 minutes or more at least 4 - 5 days per week
A BALANCED DIET
Do not eat meat more than once a day. Eat fish and poultry more often than red or processed meats because they are less fattening.
Avoid frying food. Fried food absorbs the fats from the cooking oils, increasing your dietary fat intake. Instead, bake or broil food. If you do fry, use polyunsaturated oils, such as corn oil.
Cut down on your salt intake. Limit table salt, or flavor intensifiers that contain salt, such as monosodium glutamate (MSG).
Include adequate fiber in your diet. Fiber is found in green leafy vegetables, fruit, beans, bran flakes, nuts, root vegetables, and whole-grain foods.
Do not eat more than 4 eggs per week. Although they are a good source of protein, and they're low in saturated fat, eggs are very high in cholesterol.
Choose fresh fruit for dessert, rather than cookies, cake, or pudding.
Eat a well-balanced diet. Too much of anything -- calories or a particular type of food -- has its drawbacks.
Follow the recommendations of the food guide pyramid.
RECOMMENDATIONS FOR WEIGHT MANAGEMENT
To successfully manage your weight, follow these basic guidelines:
Eat a healthy, well-balanced diet.
Balance physical activity with diet to maintain your desired weight. Aerobic exercise will help increase muscle tissue and burn calories.
Gradually adjust your eating habits to encourage a permanent lifestyle change. You may need counseling and behavior modification to change your diet.
Avoid alcohol, or drink in moderation.
RESOURCES
A registered dietitian is an excellent resource for individualized weight management. The registered dietitian can provide information on classes and programs available in your community.
The Federal Trade Commission offers consumer brochures that evaluate commercial weight management programs.
Note: 1 calorie equals 1000 calories or 1 kilocalorie.
Ok i guess i was wrong when i had said that penning down your lives on blog would be amounting to boring your audience with banalities. I say so because reading people here and there and evaluating myself, i have realized that no matter how hard i try to shun an urge not to peek in others lives, i have not been able to, to my disappointment and amazement. This has to do with a human's erstwhile curiosity to sneak into one anothers lives. It is like eavasdropping without an offense to the narrator and it is extremely tempting. Another benifit of such practice is that you tend to gain from others experiences. As a saying goes "I seek knowledge to benifit my future" you learn from others mistakes to avoid yours.
Now coming to the confessing part. Again it has to do with the primitive human need for catharsis. The urge to find comfort from other humans. And normally there are things that can not be shared and trusted with people around you, for the fear of being judged. Hence the web. Not that you are entirely spared of being judged on the web also but the cure is to carry an anonymous name. You confess, you are judged, people sympathise with you, give you advice and you still remain in a safe zone. Cheers!! The only hitch for me following the same suit is that my blog carries my name. I practically can not afford the cathartic relief of disclosing nastiest secrets or narrating gigantic blunders unless i start an anonymous blog. The idea is tempting though. Consider the possibility of my blogroll containing an anonymous blog actually related to me. *Giggles*
On the technical front, bored and unsatisfied from the fourteen something authorized tempelates of blogspot, i have installed a new tempelate from Blogcrowds for my blogspot blog. The process was not very difficult for blogspot as much as it seems for wordpress. I still have little idea of how bloggers post pictures in the posts. But i hope to figure it out eventually.
An interesting research suggests that healthy food and specially healthy breakfasts can improve the odds of a boy. Unbelieveable, but those who have girls and want to have a boy in the family can try this.
The researchers say the modern trend to opt for low calorie diets might explain why the proportion of boys is falling in developed countries.
The study, by the Universities of Exeter and Oxford, appears in the Royal Society journal Biological Sciences.
The study focused on 740 first-time pregnant mothers in the UK, who were asked to provide records of their eating habits before and during the early stages of pregnancy.
The average calorie intake for women who had sons was 2,413 a day, compared to 2,283 calories a day for women who had girls.
Women who had sons were also more likely to have eaten a higher quantity and wider range of nutrients, including potassium, calcium and vitamins C, E and B12.
They were also more likely to have eaten breakfast cereals.
Fewer boys
Over the last 40 years there has been a small but consistent decline, of about one per 1,000 births annually, in the proportion of boys being born in industrialised countries, including the UK.
Previous research has also shown a reduction in the average energy intake in the developed world, and there is also evidence that more people now skip breakfast.
Scientists already know that in many animals, more males are produced when a mother has plentiful resources or is high ranking.
The phenomenon has been most extensively studied in invertebrates, but is also seen in horses, cows and some species of deer.
The explanation is thought to lie with the evolutionary drive to produce descendants.
Lead researcher Dr Fiona Mathews said: "Potentially, males of most species can father more offspring than females, but this can be strongly influenced by the size or social status of the male, with poor quality males failing to breed at all.
"Females, on the other hand, reproduce more consistently.
"If a mother has plentiful resources then it can make sense to invest in producing a son because he is likely to produce more grandchildren than would a daughter.
"However, in leaner times having a daughter is a safer bet."
I have been into blogging for almost two weeks now. I had discovered it while looking through a friend’s profile and decided to give it a try. I had always wanted a chronicle to keep a record of events. I am a big collector and a “Holding on to memories” kind of a person. In my house, a sizeable locked drawer of my dresser is full of souvenirs ranging from greeting cards given by my friends in school to the sonograms of my baby. I normally do not have much time to sit down and cherish every memorable thing but once in while when organizing my stuff; i make it a point to look through that drawer. I sit down on the floor and spread every precious thing in front of me. Bitter sweet memories come flooding in as i carefully caress every little piece with nostalgic strokes. Looking at those, it seems to me as if my whole life is sketched out in front of me. Everything has a fond memory associated with it. There, I spot a dried up rose kept in a diary. This was the first anonymous rose that i had received in my college carnival. Our All-Girls college used to host one of the biggest carnivals in the city once a year, with hundreds of boys thronging the college considering it a much priced opportunity to meet cute girls. The tradition was that if a guy liked a girl, he would send her a rose. So i was thrilled to imagine that someone out there really admired me *Chuckles* I held that rose close to my heart all day and i intended to save it as a souvenir. Later in the day it dawned on me to my disappointment and amusement that my friends had played a prank on me. They were the ones who had sent me the rose. I did save that rose dearly and have treasured it since then. It brings a broad smile on my face every time I see it. So things like that make my treasure. I know when i die, someone would throw away these things but until then i can keep them safe.
For a long time my cell phone fulfilled that need where in the “Organizer” section, I would mark every date with some significant or insignificant details of happenings in my life. I did not have a laptop at my disposal back then. My cell phone served as a diary and a notebook. I had some “highly” memorable messages and pictures stored in it. Life was pretty simple and i was happy the way things were until one day i lost my cell phone. I was devastated. With the phone, I permanently lost my contacts list. It was a colossal loss!!
It occurred to me then that i needed a space where I could organize and preserve my stuff without the fear of losing it. Then came the laptop and shortly after I stumbled upon blogging. I loved the idea from the get-go. Being one of those whose utility of internet was confined to checking emails or surfing internet, now i was faced with an entirely new phenomenon (at least for me) on web. I have had my share of travails of exploring it. To start with, i had a little idea about the blogging jargon, HTML and coding but thankfully i am a “Keera” who does not stop until it discovers the ins & outs of something that intrigues it. Subsequently I’ve had many late night sessions exploring blogging and bloggers. Thinking that i would faithfully write down every detail every day, i posted a few of the write-ups on my website that I had composed as a mean to vent my feelings. This was a pretty spontaneous act. While browsing, one day i came across a nice dark colored blog. The author was a freelance writer and sounded like a decent guy. (Most of the bloggers are freelance writers or aspiring journalists) Out of naivity, i coerced him into adding me in his blogroll. The poor thing added me knowing that i had little to offer in return. He even left an encouraging comment on one of my posts.
Since then i have gone through hundreds of blogs and have peeked into many a lives. If not all, each blog i believe gives away many of an individual’s distinctive traits and reflection of one's thoughts. A majority of the bloggers, in my view, opts for narrating their lives simply and straightly, which is very tempting. Although i am not against the idea but why bore your readers with banalities of your life. I do not know if i end up following the same suit. Had I not read so many blogs for last fourteen days i might have been penning down something about how lovely my neighbor’s cat is or that weather was cloudy yesterday so we had pakoras. Who does not love to hear his own voice? But now I am quite sure that this stuff is excruciatingly boring and self absorbent. This stuff bores me and it should bore others. Life is increasingly getting busier by the day and if you have nothing substantial to offer, no one would care to give a second look at your stuff. Another sizeable lot of bloggers resorts to cofessing the most "darkest" secrets of their lives. Their blogs would mostly look like "Cofesstions from the closet" or "Dark secrets" or juggest something covert and under the cover. Guilt or self pity ensues and subsequently their lives are everybody'd business. Sometimes i have come across some really interesting and vibrant blogs with the author having a tangy tone, lambasting the politicians or narrating a learning experience for others to learn, some philosophical blogs, some obnoxious and defamatory blogs and some really “bitter” blogs where the author seems to be at the dagger's end, fuming fire at everything inequtable. Sometimes the bloggers tend to be highly interactive and have a considerable entourage. Bottomline is that bloggers want themselves to be noticed, read & appreciated on a daily basis and for that they have to be proactive, informative, witty & logical. Being able to write well is a gift. Few have it and others can master it through practice. Happy blogging!!
It is a routine for me here to meet young mothers. Keeping in mind the energy the company needs to run a project in a foreign country, it has hired young individuals; hence plenty of young families here. And so are cute kids!! Their ages vary from three to six years mostly. Naughty and restless as kids are, they keep the whole Guesthouse abuzz with laughter, cries and fun. I watch them with delight. They remind me of my Mithi back home. Although she has just learnt to sit, she is likely to grow up to be a huge troublemaker. Here genes are to be blamed. She is entirely like her father who, in his childhood, was a notorious kid. Wherever something sinister happened, people would go around looking for little Ifii, the naughtiest of all. Mothers were scared to let their scrawny kids play with him, lest he spank them to unconsciousness. Ladies were hesitant to display their precious China in the parties Ifii was invited with his parents. And his mother could not purchase the nicest of lipsticks because he was fond of throwing them in the toilet. Such were his ways. So if genes are anything to go by, Meenal is going to be very naughty. She already has her likes and dislikes, chalked out pretty clearly and she is only eight months yet. She likes to mingle with individuals wearing light colored clothes only. She likes to sleep on her side (However much my mother has tried to lay her on her back on the plea that sleeping on the back makes a child brave). She hates cold. Milk is her favorite food and she is uncontrollable when hungry. She likes to throw tantrums especially when milk is being offered to her. Not that she would not want the milk when hungry, she just likes a little commotion before taking milk. She is already tech savvy. A cell phone is her favorite toy. She is the first grandchild of my parents. So they spoil her to their heart’s content. And now that I am away from her I am sure my mother would be leaving no stone unturned to make sure she is a happy kid most of the time.
So I was discussing how I am meeting new mothers these days. I am surprised to see how much a mother does for her child. I see them teaching the noblest of things to their off springs, like saying thank you or Assalamualikum to a servant and giving him his due respect, sharing their favorite things with others to let them understand the essence of giving, respecting their elders, loving their siblings and millions of things. Inculcating nobility in a minor, who has little idea about his well being let alone righteousness is easier said than done. These women let no instance go waste to teach their kids some good lesson. They are at their kids’ disposal till these little monkeys peacefully fall asleep, knowing that their mothers are still at their sides. So once a woman becomes a mother, she has a perpetual responsibility to fulfill and she willingly and whole heartedly fulfils it. It comes naturally to her. A mother was explaining me that she is habitually a deep sleeper but as soon as any of her kids would utter a small groan at night, she is up. According to a research, of all the humans, mothers have the sharpest sixth senses. Other senses of moms are pretty acute too. They would know which of their kids is up to what. Who has spilled water in kitchen and who is going to push whom. Again I would mention an interesting research here done of children under teens, according to which baby boys use left side of their brains since birth and have “Hyper Nervous Energy” in their brains till they turn thirteen years of age. Due to which boys are restless and hyper active most of the time. They do not like to sit idle. While girls, by default, use both sides of their brains. This is mainly the reason why baby girls like to sit primly and have colorful imagination. Whereas, boys are unimaginative and vigorous. Being girls themselves, moms have a little idea how boys function. But they learn with experience.
Everything in mom’s lives revolves around their kids. Off course husbands are also foremost in women’s life, but husbands can take care of themselves but kids are vulnerable at young age. They have no sense of right and wrong and their well being and here is where a mother plays a pivotal role. A mother is an epitome of sacrifice. She sacrifices her career, social activities, her sleep and whatever it takes, willingly. A mother is an institution for a child! A child completes a mother as a woman. This is such a beautiful relationship. And truly a divine gift!!
My husband was constantly chiding me for being lazy. It was Sunday and unlike myself i was in no mood to go out. However much he tried that i change and get ready, i was stuck to the PC. Then the phone rang. It was his colleague who had just brought his family to Georgia. He had called to inform us that they would be visiting our place. I kept procrastinating until i heard the door bell. They were here and i was still like a mess. I dashed to the washroom as my husband rushed to greet them, ordering me not to take too long. My hair still wet, and feeling bad that i kept them waiting, i came downstairs. They were all sitting together. Greeting my husband's colleague, i turned towards his wife, and there she was!! A demure and tiny framed lady with quite modest looks. Honestly it was a shock to imagine both of them as husband and wife with the guy quite reasonably fine looking. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were constantly keeping their mom busy. After exchanging the pleasantries, the guys went to sit in an adjoining room. With a perplexed state of mind, i asked her about her interests and how she felt about moving to Georgia, all the while blaming myself why i was concentrating on her rather baggy outfit so much!! As she started explaining i listened carefully. She was an MBA from Dallas USA, had worked for a reputable company there before getting married in Pakistan, She had procreated two wonderful kids, had moved thrice for her husband's job while still looking after her children single handedly, and looked after her ailing mother in law. I was engrossed in the conversation as she was telling me how much excited she was about moving to Georgia. I asked if she thought it hard because of two small kids and she was like "Insaan ko hamesha positive sochna chahiyay" I thought with a shudder how hard it had been on me when i had to pack my whole house before moving and she had done it THRICE. She said another beautiful thing. "Inssan sari zindagi chezain akathi karta rahta hai. Eik din usay apni sab pyari chezain chorna parti hain. isi liyay Allah Talah nay chezain jama karnay say mana kya hai" Such a beautifull yet deep thought!!
We work hard for our comfort, collecting valuables from all over the world to cast an impression on onlookers. Then we become possessive about them thinking that we will always possess them. We do not share. And the irony is that we give them up in the end!!!
I realized how wrong i was to judge that girl from the outset. She was beautiful. She was a good wife, a loving mother, a caring daughter in law and a wonderful person. It was not her fault that Allah Tallah had bestowed her with little outward beauty. She was Allah Tallah's creation. To condescend His creation is to invite His wrath. "Allah mujhay maf karay" I prayed. And later while offering my prayers i thanked Allah for everything He has given me. I thanked Him for making me who i am, however much flawed.
American media is no different than this. Thousands of flawless pictures of celebrities adorn millions of sites and newspapers everyday with exaggerated details of their wherewithal. Enough for hearts to skip a beat or two. No wonder depression and suicide rate is climbing in America by the day. And we the under world nations, unable to catch up with them, are no less. Ostentation in marriage ceremonies is glaring. We need to slow down and eventually put a stop on this. This is a way to destruction. We are witnessing the destruction with our own eyes yet not ready to correct ourselves. Outward beauty is a sham. What lies underneath should be given credit!!
Today while talking to a recent friend rather an acquaintance, we stumbled upon money talk. I wonder why my almost every discussion with a male converges on money. Do men generally think themselves as money pundits or is it i who is eager to find out more and more about their mysterious"hard earned"commodity. Whatever the reason may be, I liked the discussion that followed.
He was of the view that women should not hold on to their careers once they are married. This responsibility should primarily rest on men' shoulders. However impoverished the living standard may be, the women should keep themselves to the houses. He further went on to explain how Pakistani parents wished their daughters to gain adequate education so as to be married off in decent & well to do families. Further usage of their degrees should be a matter between their spouses and in laws. He also expressed how he feared to marry a girl who might put up a fight for her career. Then my husband happended to chip in the discussion and with a look of disgust he said "Duniya may asay asay mard hain kay toba toba. In auroton ko achay mardon kee qadar karni chahiyay paisay ke nahin" Later on both of them declared that "Aj kal ke larkiyan" do not put up with the ups and downs in mens' financial conditions. "Buray waqt ke sathi nahi hain ajkal ke larkiyan" i heard them say.
I heard this discourse with calm. I knew my chances of convincing them, over this ever "smouldering" issue in mens' minds, were minimal.
As for "Buray waqt ka sathi" issue, the marriage rate in Pakistan and India is still among the highest in the world.
The guys were not convinced!!!